These were the first two personas that I noticed I take on. Through my many positions of leadership, I have developed a certain ability to be able to completely reject all of my emotions and take on a character who is strong and respectable; a leader. I become the man in the suit, standing at the podium in front of the world. I speak with confidence, I move with an almost arrogant aura, each word that leaves my mouth is well thought out and pre-selected. I'm as close to perfect as I can be in the eyes of those around. As this person, I only seek to become the person others wish to be.
Yet my humanity feels drained. All the warmth and emotions that make us human are torn out. Any fears, doubts, insecurities, etc. are all ripped out of me and tossed in the shadow of the man at the podium. Slowly the start to gather and reshape themselves into the very thing I rejected: a scared little boy. He represents all the problems I refuse to deal with, all the fears that I refuse to acknowledge, and all the limitations that I refuse to believe.
To the man at the podium, this boy is a cancer, slowly eating away at his very being. But this little boy means no harm. He simply wants to be loved. He longs for the day someone will take him out of these cold shadows, by removing the man who casts them. For a day when that man, his father, will embrace him rather than turn his back to him. And then they become one, confidence and doubt, respect and fear, imperfect yet balanced.
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